But then we live in this world where there is no shortage of people who want to make our lives miserable.  As if that is their sole mission in living in this planet.  In the past, every single step I made to try to heal myself, they were two steps ahead to try to make me fail.  It was very tempting to just fight back and stoop down to their level, fortunately, I never did.  I kept moving on and it led me to where I am now….in the arms of someone who will always be there for me, someone who believes in me, to protect me from harm and to respect me and most especially, someone who is generous and kind to the people I love and care about.

Do I still think of strangling the culprit of my past miseries?….oh sure!!!!…..like I said, I am no saint nor angel ;)and they are still trying hard to try to make me miserable but they are failing miserably because I am living my life well.

Simply living a good life is the best revenge because that is the ultimate measure for those culprits failure…..

Live life, love life!

My husband is on a business trip so we celebrated it last saturday night.  Since our quiet August wedding two years ago, so many things already happened in between. On our first anniversary, I already told my husband that I have loved him more than I did a year ago.  Today, I say I love him more than ever!

It doesn’t cease to amaze me how I can keep on loving more the man I married.  Is it because of the constant loving he gives me or the undivided attention I get?….or perhaps the way he treats me with respect or the way he understands me in so many ways?  I could name loads of reasons why I truly love this man but at the end of the day, as I snuggle in his arms, it is the contentment and feeling as a whole human being that matter most.

Marriage is not always roses and chocolates..it is, in fact, a lot of work.  A couple should understand the differences in personalities, or make a compromise between differences in interests… sometimes culture plays a role as well…not to mention, the expectations and responsibilities that go with the marriage….and well, among many other things.

No one or nothing is perfect in this world but two people can be perfect for each other.  And I am so blessed to have found the perfect man for me….the one who always gives me the best days of my life…my husband, my lover, my friend!!!

     For two months of running the business, I came across different kinds of people with different personalities and attitudes.  When I had a taste of my first customer with a pricing attitude, man, that ruined my day big time!….I am a sensitive person so I could not help my cheeks from burning red-hot when I meet certain types of people who are brash, rude, arrogant….and er, cheap (they would die over a few cents!).  But, in this kind of business, I learned to tell myself "GET OVER IT!"  Why ruin my day over one customer when I have many more around who are hundred fold nicer and more fun to talk to.

     Ok, in fairness, since my opening, I only had three "problem customers" or what I call the "penny-pinchers" out of the many really nice ones, funny ones, generous ones or the ones who just won’t stop spilling their stories out.  No problem on my end, as long as I am not busy with other customers, I usually have fun times listening to them.

     Besides, my drivers for FedEx Ground, FedEx Express, UPS and US Post Office are all heaven sent! They all come on time and more than willing to wait  if I am running late in processing labels for my packages.  Not to mention that it is not the same for all franchisees when it comes down to their drivers….I have heard and read terrible stories.

     So far, I have been having a great time with my work.  After the initial stress of memorizing a lot of codes for USPS services and getting myself familiar with the shipping softwares of the different carriers, now I can finally breath a sigh of relief.  The only downside to it is the fact that I am spending less time with my husband :(, add to that the need to work on saturdays, too.  Although I get to work at 10:00am and spends only 4 hours at work, the day seems pretty much over.  I am toying with the idea of closing on saturdays especially during the summer when shipping is at its slowest.  I will probably get hammered over the head from the headquarters if I do that

     The good thing about this kind of business is that I don’t have to rely on someone else to get things done…it can pretty much be a one-man army.  Only when customers with multiple packages all flock at the same time that I wish I have someone to help me with the shipping forms but at the end of the day I feel better that I don’t have to worry about correcting misinformations or mislabels or worst, costly mistakes.  I only have myself to reprimand if that happens, lol.

     When I was still teaching, the respect I got from my students were more than enough to make my day go brighter.  In business, repeat customers are more than enough for my reward

     Today is my  3rd Valentine’s Day celebration with my husband, Ron.  The last 10 years before that, being a single Mom, I simply went home to my children and treated it like any other day.  When I went to work overseas, I usually just spent the whole day hard at work then met my friends for dinner and a beer or two.  There was nothing left to do but people-watch while we chatted the night away.  I didn’t remember myself being lonely because I didn’t have a valentine.  Looking back, I guess I just had that persnickety attitude of saying, "who needs a Valentine if he’ll end up breaking my heart".

     Back then, I wasn’t in any rush to meet my Valentine.  I was very happy the way things were…that of being single again.  Having the last word to that selfish bastard I first married and being able to get out of his grips were liberating for me.  I was able to find myself once more.

     When we go through life’s miseries, struggles, failures, heartbreaks, losses  and we get past them, we end up becoming a stronger person.  But most times, they leave a scar in our hearts….and like a scar, it may be dormant but it is there.  For some, the scar is too big that it changes their personalities and attitudes or outlook in life.  Just like our successes and achievements, those scars make up who we are now.

     Sometimes, it is sad to see anyone whose heart gave so much to someone only to be torn in many pieces…again…and again…and again.  It is equally sad, to see anyone go through a big heartbreak and never trusted again…ever….even when someone deserving came along.

    With scars and all, if you can just be the person that you are in a relationship then you know that you are with the right person.  Better yet, if you love the person that you become when you’re with that person, then you know it is the right time.  Most of all, if you know in your heart that you can be really happy with that person and you are his or her source of happiness, then you know you have finally come in a right place…where you belong!

     There came the moments in my life when I used to spend the night dreaming about my Mr. Right…only then he didn’t have a face, I just knew that he will love me for who I am, he will accept me for what I have become, that we will have a good life together loving and respecting each other…of course, it goes without saying that I used to create romantic scenes in my head like candlelit dinners, roses and chocolates, the whole nine yards….. But suitors came and went and no one fitted the face of my Mr. Right.

     Until one Ron James came and kept proving that he is THE ONE.  But like I said, we come with scars along the way and with the kind I carry, I almost pushed him out of my life.  My Valentine though has such a big heart and understanding that he didn’t stop until I had my eyes wide open and see that he no longer lives in my fantasy….he is already my reality!  Tonight, we will have a candlelight dinner, not in my dreams, but in a nice restaurant to celebrate our love for each other.

     "BABE, I LOVE YOU NOT ONLY FOR WHO YOU ARE BUT FOR WHAT I AM WHEN I AM WITH YOU!"

    To all my friends who are married or in a relationship, I wish you will also have a nice celebration on this day of love, it does not matter how we spend it, it matters who we spend it with….

     To all my single friends, it should not be a day of sorrow just because you don’t have anyone to celebrate it with… love can be found in many, many ways and they come in all sorts and forms.  People sometimes say that it comes when it comes…the way I see it, to be or not to be in a relationship is a CHOICE.  For as long as anyone is happy with the choices they make, then all is well.

             HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!!!

     It is amazing how I will never get enough of that.  Each time, it never fails to make me smile looking at how cute they were or laugh on my own whenever I see them in their funny faces.  Watching their cute little ways still gives me a lump in my throat though…nevertheless, it is always a joy.

     Up to this time, I still remember clearly the little toddler dresses and pajamas they wore which I have sewn myself.  I remember those little baby shoes and sandals I bought in the market..so cute and so tiny.  I remember both girls’ first steps and every stumble ..their first mumbles then eventually the words that turned to phrases.

     I remember those times we spent in the plaza and the girls were just having fun in the see-saw or the slide and then we got to buy bbq’s and "balot" from the food stalls.  I know the girls’ personalities and moods and it is amazing to see both of them exhibit a little of myself. Hopefully, they only get the good traits :p…never the dark ones, lol.

     While there were so many events in the past that I have already thrown into oblivion, nothing can take away from me the joys of motherhood…the sufferings and the struggles as well but they  just made me appreciate more the blessings I have in my two angels.  I will never forget those sleepless nights when one of them was sick or the muscle aches from carrying them while they tried to sleep with wheezing cough.  Those times I just wished I was the one who got sick and not my little ones.  On most occasions, I preferred they were whiny or crying too much but they were such sweet angels even when sick…they just looked at me with those feverish eyes and limply rest their heads on my shoulder.  Now I am just happy they don’t get sick as often as when they were little.

     As parents,we get to enjoy our children in many ways.  They are the constant source of our happiness and inspirations in everything that we do.  It never fails to make us proud and stand tall as we see them achieve many things  as they grow.  We try to do the best we can for them not for anything else in return but to simply feel secure that they will have better lives and a bright future ahead of them.

     Being a mother should never be a task but a wonderful obligation or a welcome resposibility worth carrying because we are always awarded with priceless moments with our children.

     Last weekend, Ron and I got into our hotel in Zephyrhills, Fl. After he showed me around the restaurants I might consider dining in and  the corporate headquarter I should go to for the next five days, we had  a late dinner at Ruby Tuesdays.  Monday came and my husband headed back to St. Petersburg early in the morning…..  As I bid him goodbye in the parking lot and had the last glimpse of his car, suddenly I felt so alone. I didn’t have much time to dwell on that feeling because I had to prepare my paperworks and documents for the first day of the one-week training necessary for business owners to participate in before they offer their services to the public.  Perhaps the necessity to retain all the info in my head and be prepared for my presentations were weighing in more heavily on my chest at that time…..it’s a new venture and adventure for the likes of me.  After meeting all the other new franchisees, I felt more comfortable.  Then my day begun….

     At the end of the day, I went back to the hotel and the longing for my husband washed over me once more. Instead on dwelling on that, I went ahead to the hotel’s fitness room and worked my ass off.  (Honestly, I am not as disciplined as Ron in working out…  I only do it when I feel like it.  On most occasions, I stick with our time to work out together simply because of the fact that I just enjoy being with him but not necessarily having fun with what I am doing) ;p.  What I do enjoy though is the dance workout and I can spend hours and hours just merely hip hop dancing. Unfortunately, it wasn’t an option at the hotel.

      After sweating a little, it was time to freshen up and time to face the fact that I was eating dinner ALONE this time and for the next five days….Ugh!  In the end, I spent the whole night realizing that I got so used to the time and affection and caring that my husband does for me….almost to the point of spoon feeding me everything.  I do take care of my husband, big time!….no question on that one…it is something I love doing for him and something I know that makes him happiest.  What bothered me was the fact that, up until last week, I never really realized the impact of depending on him that much.  HE EVEN BUYS MY HIGH-HEELS.  Not that I ask him to….it is mostly for his pleasure, of course…but he would just patiently choose the style and the color and the comfort.  Whenever we shopped, he would steer me to, what else, high-heels section!  Fortunately, I trust his taste and we pretty much have the same style in many ways…..he enjoys buying me things, clothes, dresses…in short he loves to shop for me.  On my end, I don’t have the patience for that.  I only go shopping when I know what I want and need.  I can’t spend too much time on something, I am quick to decide and on most occasions, I will just pick out something without even bothering to try it on.  For a man, shopping wise, my husband has the patience of a saint. That is one of the many things I adore my husband for.  In short, he just makes my life so much easier…he takes care of me unconditionally.  On that account, I am a very lucky woman! 

     During that week of being alone, a part of me though, got a little scared somehow….the once-independent-woman-me seemed to be just a shadow of my past.  Where was the girl who, for the last 15 years did things on her own?  Where was that woman who faced life and tackled its hardships head on?  Lately, I could not make decisions on my own, I needed my husband….I could not go anywhere else on my own, I needed my husband to be there…I had questions that needed some answers, again I needed my husband for that…which I believe is great because that’s what marriage is all about anyway…..two people sharing and taking care of each other.  But there is a certain point in our lives when someone who loves us so much will make things a lot easier than what we were used to..and the easier they make everything for us, the more difficult later on to cope on our own because we get so used to the glory of having someone to depend on, to rely on. 

     Last week, I just realized what a cry-baby I became lately, feeling like a cripple without my husband’s presence, whining that I could not do such and such without my husband.  Looking back, I could clearly see now how Ron patiently but firmly pushed me to do things on my own….after whining here and there, grumpy I became but did things anyway……voila!!!…..in the end, I always felt good and so much better I did things ON MY OWN!

   That week was an eye-opener for me.  It is great to be in love and to have someone love us with all their might.  Yes, there’s a lot of nice things we could get used to but I was wrong to let it debilitate me.  From now on, less whining from me……hhhhmmmm, I can imagine a big smile forming in my husband’s face if he happens to read this one….and he will probably think to himself, "about time, babe!"…. 

     I felt like crying in frustration only there were no tears…just my conscience constantly nagging at me….almost too loud I could hear her say, "see, see, see…if you read early on, some pages here and there, you won’t look as stupid as you do now!!!"  (I could even imagine my conscience waving a finger on the tip of my nose while she nagged).

     My second day of reading was much better…just like painting, once I am inspired, then things fall into places, picking the colors at random and trying to feel where I want it and as the colors dominate the canvas, something starts to take shape, from then on, I know where I am going.  Once I opened up my mind into doing something that I really need to do, in this case, reading, then there is no stopping it.  I finished all my three required exams a day before my 2nd first anniversary….nope, no typo there, all it meant was my anniversary for our second wedding, hhmmm…it sounded more confusing…oh well, anyway, I was happy I finally tackled things I kept procastinating.  Then I had a nice, romantic dinner with my husband on our anniversary feeling at peace.  New Year’s Eve came and also enjoyed it big time.  It just felt so good not having to worry about tasks half done.

     Lesson learned.

     Surely, most of us (if not all) keep a part of the past in their own way in different forms.  It can be in pictures with those frozen smiles that remind us of what once was.  Although a lot of things happened after those pictures were taken and changes in our lives took place…when you look at the same old picture, it seems to bring us back in that certain time with those certain people.  It also brings us back to that certain place where we were once and probably never again.  But we feel grateful for all those pictures we took and kept.

     A picture can trigger a lot of different emotions….it can definitely make us smile when we look at the familiar faces of people we love or care about….surely, it can make me laugh out loud whenever I see myself and my friends with the "tissed-up bangs" back in college, thanks to loads and loads of spraynet (darn, it was so fashionable then)….oh, and old pictures can also make me feel sooo embarassed considering how I dressed back then, remember the padded shoulder?….goodness, I thought it was classy, yuck!!!….now I ask, "what am I thinking…?!"  I still kept those pictures regardless…simply because it was just the way things were before.  A picture can also be so much fun to look at…remember all those parties with our gangs…hah, and we had so much energy in those pictures…those were the days…so much fun indeed!

     And what of those pictures of someone we hate….hahaha, they were mostly torn by now or burned into ashes surely….but then we come to find one that we missed burning at some point…if the anger is still there…we will have a good time tearing it into pieces after smaller pieces until nothing familiar is left with that picture…oh, as if that is not even enough, we just stomp on it with all our might…oh, still not enough?, ok…then off to burning it…and we get a relief from watching it slowly burn into ashes while we silently pray that those bad memories just also leave us alone as easily as the ashes are blown in the wind.

     Now, looking at a picture can also be sad….just seeing old friends and families that we may not even see again because of distance, changes in status, having their own lives like we do….just sad but not too bad coz if they are friends and families who matter to us, we keep the communication going. 

     What if we broke up with someone and we were hurt, no matter how much we say we hated them and we may have torn all the pictures…it always comes down to one special picture we couldn’t have the heart to tear…just to cling on to it…for a little bit…maybe for a little while…then we keep it somewhere and finally move on…and perhaps forgotten all about it.  Until one time, it just comes back staring at us…that familiar face, that familiar smile…that same old picture we were holding in our hands some months or years ago while we were crying our heart out….same old picture, the only difference is, we no longer cry as hard when we see it…maybe just one little tear or two.  Then and only then we know that the person in the picture is completely out of our lives..then it is also time for that picture to go.

     What if the person in the picture is someone we loved so much and lost?….by tragedy or illness….now, that is devastatingly hard.  We can’t keep those pictures away..in fact, we want to have all those pictures around to make us feel that they were just there..that they didn’t leave.  It is such a torment…wanting to look at the picture and not wanting to feel the pain of loss…but the feeling is there and there is no denying it.  No matter how hard we cry now when we look at those pictures, we treasure them with all our hearts. 

     Just a few days ago, I was watching a new slideshow of my cousin and I was caught offguard when I saw that it was composed of pictures of her and her husband who recently passed away.  Very young kid…just early twenties…also very smart and hardworking…just trying to raise his young family.  Then, abruptly, just like that, he was gone..taken by a sudden illness.  Now how do you explain that to his young child of barely two?  What do you say whenever she sees the picture of her daddy and asks, "where is he?"…What of my cousin?….so young and so in love with her husband….sudden loss…how do you cope?  She asked me once, tell me how to move on?….While pain is still fresh, things are all easier said than done.  But I know in time, the pain starts to heal.  I firmly believe that TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS…it can’t be rushed, there is no shortcut.  We have to sail through life’s miseries before ending up in a better place.  Because only in being able to accept our losses that we gain.  Even when people tell us that we will get over it…only us know when we are ready.  Letting go may not be the easiest thing to do…but in time, we get to realize that only in letting go that we welcome a new phase of real happiness.

     I was just in tears while watching the slideshow…good thing I have a box of tissue in my home office because I can also be such a dramatic queen when my emotional button is pushed!  That background song "Over You" by Chris Daughtry which happens to be one of my favorites is the culprit. 

     Pictures….pictures…and more pictures…whatever feelings they give us…pictures are big parts of our lives!

     I could say I missed out on a lot of things while they were growing up…but then again, I could also say that I have experienced such great joy in having them in my life and taking care of them when they were little.  They constantly gave me that feeling of being whole even when there was a hollow in my heart back then.  When people have kids who depend on them, they grow stronger.  I didn’t take time to back down and lick my wounds because all I needed was a look at my little girls and they gave me that much-needed strength to go on.  I didn’t focus on what could have been but instead concentrated on what could happen if I didn’t move on.

     I was so lucky to have two bundles of joy who are so sweet, whose smiles were enough to take away all the pain.  Who had time to dwell in misery when I had my hands full of innocent laughters?….those cute tricks and pranks never failed to make me smile…those hugs and warm kisses brightened up my day when I was so tired coming home from work, such love in saying, "I love you, Mommy" was more than enough to fill in the gaps.

Each time I looked at their sweet faces and listened to their shrieks and giggles, I felt alive….they were constant reminders that there was so much more to live for..so much more to hope for.  Yes, life back then was especially hard seeing them grow without their father…and eventually explain that we didn’t need him in our lives.  Yet, they are happy kids….my parents’ presence and support, not to mention, their honest love for the girls are more than enough to fill any void that could have been there….

     In going through our lives, we get to meet series of failures, loss, disappointments, pains, sorrows, grief, anger, sadness…where do we go from there?…what do we do?…who to run to?…or where?…In my own experience, perhaps because my personality dictates so, I ran to no one but myself…sorted things on my own and believed that I could get out of whatever mess I got myself into…and luckily, I always did.  Perhaps because I see life as an endless opportunity..to right what was wrong, to find happiness after each pain, to heal after a grief, to stand up after you fall, to calm down after the storm, to knock on doors when one just closed, to start a new chapter when one just ended..or even to chase that elusive dream.  For as long as we live, we are always given that opportunity and it is only up to us whether or not to grab each chance that comes our way.

Oh, ok….back to the funny lines:

Japanese Translations II

Is this your property? Arimoto?
Yes, this is my property. Arikoto.
Is this yours? Sayobato?
This is mine. Sakinitu.
Can I have it? Akinato?
You can have it. Sayonato (sing.)
Can we have it? Saminato?
You can have it. Sanyonato (pl.)
You haven’t washed your face. Mimutamatamo.
You’ve grown so thin! Kitanabutomo.
We saw each other. Kitakami.
We had a big get-together. Kitakita kami.
Have a drink before you go. Toma kamuna.
That was my assumption. Inakarako.
Let’s go quickly! Bachi-na-yota!
We will boycott the election. Kami noboto.
Underarm odor. Kirikiripawa
Are you a victim of discrimination? Minamatakaba?
I give up. Sukonako.
Ouch! Haraiku!
What a sad life it is. Hainaku.
I’m going to leave you. Sawanako sayo.